Being Here

I have been thinking a lot lately about being here. What this means to me, what this means to the people I come into contact with while I am here, what I want to get out of this experience, how I want to behave here, and really thinking about who I am in this place. Because, when you take a person out of their habitat, away from all of the people that you know and feel comfortable around, and most importantly, take away the ability to speak a language in which you are able to freely express yourself, I think that you are given an unique opportunity to take a moment and think about who you are outside of any reasonable and logical context.
It is a very exciting time to be in this country, for a variety of reasons that the U.S. media discusses on a daily basis. But really, being here, it is more of a feeling than anything else. Because I like to be as ambiguous and say things that can be interpreted in a number of ways. Also, because some things are difficult to describe in words, English, Chinese, or otherwise. I am taking a One on One class that involves a professor and I sitting for an hour and a half twice a week and discussing how much China has changed over the past 30 years. It is really beyond my ability to comprehend what China looked like 30 years ago, and before. I would certainly not be here studying if it were thirty years ago. I would not be fumbling about with the hardest language in the world spewing from my mouth, trying to discuss philosophical and cultural differences, as well as favorite American T.V. shows and movies with endlessly patient Chinese people (they are not all endlessly patient, but the ones that are I am very grateful for).
Sometimes it is too easy to lose these feelings of awe and bewilderment in the face of endless hours of homework that involves infinite and monotonous character writing. I am actively trying to remember as often as possible. Everytime I am understood, and everytime I am written off because I cannot understand, and everytime I walk down the street.
I am here, I am small, confused, sometimes frustrated, often misunderstood, and always completely and utterly fascinated by a life that overwhelms me everyday.